I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
