never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
