I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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