so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I am naked and annoyed.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
