using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
