was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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