I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
do nipples grow back?
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