My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
