He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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