How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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