Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Come share oat with me in your robe
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
