she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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