I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
