what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
