You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
