Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
