My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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