I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
