Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
