I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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