You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
