Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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