the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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