there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
