I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My dick has a subreddit
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
