Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
