A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
