her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
