you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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