He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
