Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
