Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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