I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
