oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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