That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
