You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
