I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
