I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Congratulations! We have a period
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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