Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
