I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
