I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
