We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
