Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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