so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
