who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
