should my penis look like a turkey
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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