Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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