Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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