He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
