in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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