Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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