i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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