I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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