My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
