The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
